Preggo Posts Thus Far...

Not exactly morning sickness...7 Weeks
Friday October 10, 2008
Well, I have not experienced any more nausea, except when I brush my teeth. That makes me gag. But I will take that over actual sickness any day!
Jason is going shopping with his mom tomorrow and he may tell her then...


Oh my goodness...7 Weeks
Thursday October 9th, 2008
Well, last week I started thinking that I should be getting my period soon. I also felt like things were feeling "off". I quit smoking on Sunday out of nowhere, surprising myself. On Monday, 10/6, I felt a little ill in the morning at work and my breasts were feeling sore. Hmmm....
Monday night I couldn't sleep very well and then I woke up Tuesday about 3am with a sore throat and could not go back to sleep. About 5am, I called in sick and decided to go get Jason and I some BK breakfast and also grab a pregnancy test.
When I got home, I took the test right away, since I was having to pee constantly anyways. I set the test down, thinking that in a minute, I would know I wasn't preggo, at least for now. I then did a double take. Wait, is that TWO lines? I began to shake and, ok, I freaked out a little. I went into the bedroom and woke Jason up. For a split second, I had a rush of OCD thoughts: Getthisthingoutofme. Iamgoingtohavetobeinamentalhospitalfor9monthswithmyhandsstrappedtothebed. GETTHISTHINGOUTOFME!!! I was crying and shaking and he was silent and finally told me "Calm down".
Needless to say, the BK did NOT get eaten.
After Jason went to work, I went to my mom's to feed the birds and call the nurse line. I got an appt at 11:15am and he came up with a taper-off schedule for my zoloft. He also got me an appt with the ob-gyn since with Type II, it is considered a high risk pregnancy. My appt is on Monday 10/13. The OCD thoughts were scary for the couple of seconds that they lasted that morning, but they went as quickly as they had come. And that is how I know that I will be just fine.
I worried Tuesday morning that me and Jason were going to immediately crumble, but things have been good. We are kidding around a little bit and he is asking questions. Things are going to be ok.
The sore throat turned into a wicked cold. It sucks because I can't really take anything. I am just trying to get through it without anything. I did have some cough drops. And chamomile tea is good.
I told my mom, but Jason does not want to tell his parents yet for fear of what they will think/say. My mom is supportive. She just wishes I would have been married, and that my health was better. She said that I need to really get serious and get in shape now. She even wants this to happen before I tell my brother. That hurt my feelings a llittle bit, that I can't tell my brother yet, because he will think I am too fat/out of shape to have a baby. Sometimes my family is so all about weight and looks, it makes me angry. But that is their life and priorities and I have my own...
I also told my sister, but those are the only two people who know.
This is all still a little bit unreal :)

A little flutter...7 Weeks
Tuesday October 14, 2008
Well, I had my first doctor's appt with Dr. H yesterday. He decided to do an early ultra sound since I am still having some pelvic pain. I saw the baby's heart beating on the screen!!! It looked like a little flutter since it is beating so fast (130 beats/minute). It is 6 weeks and 3 days as of yesterday. I could not stop smiling when I saw that heartbeat though...How crazy is that!! It made it more real, that is for sure. The technician printed out pictures, but it is really hard to make out the little c shaped white shadow that is my baby :) That's ok, I wanted pictures anyhow! The doctor said everything looks just fine :)
I started on my vitamins today (hard to get down in the morning, very gaggy, will have to try later in the day instead) and am really trying to crack down on my health. I upped my insulin intake because I want it to stay under 130 throughout my pregnancy. I am also going to eat better and work out. The doctor said that high blood sugar could result in birth defects. I need to get as healthy as possible. Not only for myself this time, but for the baby. And Jason too, because this is OUR baby and we want it to have a healthy start.

Names!7 Weeks
Wednesday October 15, 2008
Yesterday I went to the PROP shop and I found a shelf in the back with a ton of baby and pregnancy books. Most for $1!! I got 5 books, including what to expect when you're expecting, the girlfriends guide to being pregnant (I already started this one and it is funny!) and a baby name book.
Jason and I already settled on a boy name I think! It was cute because whenever I said a name, he would add "Allan" after it. I asked him if he wanted the baby to have his middle name and he sheepishly said "Yeah, sort of". I think it's great. I am not sure how he feels yet about the girl names, but the boy name we both like a lot.
Alexander Allan Tofte
Isn't that nice?
And for girls I love:
Eleanora Anne Tofte (Uh oh, the initials are EAT. That's no good)
Eleanora Sophia Tofte (Ooh that is pretty and EST is better...)
Then we can call her Ella or Elle or Ellie too.
Jason has always like Stella, but I am leaning away from that now. I would be ok with Estella, I think. Again, we could go with the Ella or Ellie.

People that know...7 Weeks
Thursday October 16, 2008
There are not too many people who know about the baby yet. We are waiting until I make it to my 2nd trimester and then I am telling EVRYONE!! :P So far it is: Mom, Bradylee, Laura Dahl, Vickie W, Jason has told people at his work, and....
So I went to visit Erica yesterday and drop off Aiden's birthday present since I missed his party. I HAD to tell her! She said that they are also trying for a third. That's a whole different story though! I just may have someone to be preggers with :)
She also told me that her cousin just found out that she had miscarried at 11 weeks. This makes me SO nervous, but I am trying not to be. I do not even want to think about tit.

Mom's Birthday7 Weeks
Friday October 17, 2008
Yesterday was dinner at mom's house for her birthday with Josh and Paul. Before the guys got there, I told her the name picks. She really liked Eleanora Anne as well. She wants me to have a girl too :) But I know Jason wants a boy, so I really don't want to wish for either or. I just want a healthy baby!!
Keeping my blood sugar in check has been daunting and I tend to eat too big of meals at night. Upping the insulin has helped though, so little by little, I am doing better overall.
Mom called today wondering what the last name would be and whether I would hyphenate it. No Way!! I have no attachment to the last name Johnson whatsoever, so the baby will be a Tofte. In a couple of years, I hope to be a Tofte too :)

First social event...8 Weeks
Monday October 20, 2008
Last Saturday night was Brent's big party and the first time everyone would see me not drinking OR smoking. Luckily, Brent lives in Burnsville, so it made perfect sense that we would need a designated driver. Ta da!
People were still a little surprised, since I am NEVER DD :) Well, this is only the beginning people! I think I got away with it this time, but next time? There will be more suspicion, no question about it!


UNPAID Maternity Leave?!8 Weeks
Wednesday October 22, 2008
So I finally took a look at our employee handbook and I get up to 12 weeks of maternity leave. UNPAID!! Uh-oh.
Ok, first things first. I need to get a P/T job and fast. At least I will still be able to work some nights and weekends even after the baby is born, during my leave from Braas. Second, I will have about 4 weeks of paid vacation, maybe more with sick time so I can put that towards it. Third, I may be able to use some of my disablity pay like I did when I went to Burkwood. Janis in HR seems to be able to finagle that to work out for things it normally wouldn't apply to.
I freaked out there for a minute, but it will be alright :)

The first real mood swing...8 Weeks
Friday October 24, 2008
Poor Jason :) Last night after work I was feeling especially touchy. I tried to take a bath, but that didn't work. I was snapping at Jason and half crying. He went to his parent's house to pack for his weekend and I ate. A whole pizza. And pizza rolls. Brady called to check in and that was nice.
When Jason got home I was better, but then cryed about 2 or 3 more times before going to bed. Gees. I just felt SO uncomfortable in my skin yesterday. I have a feeling that it won't be the last time :)

June 5th, 2009 - Official Date!9 Weeks
Monday October 27, 2008
Well, I had my 2nd appointment today. I only met with the nurse, got some blood work done, and got the information about the hospital etc. The baby is officially due on 6/5/09 (Grandpa's Birthday!). My hospital will be Fairview Southdale (Where I was born!).
Jason told Steve and Prema this weekend while they were up north hunting. It sounds like they were supportive, so I am sure it felt good to tell some people. I also told Katie S, because I missed her party and didn't want her to think that I just skipped it when all I really wanted to do was veg out at home. And Dan was reading over her shoulder, so he knows too. One more month and I can tell whomever I want!
Poor Jason had to deal with the hormones again last night. He was talking about how Prema said they would probably be engaged within the next year and how he was going to propose. I came out with how I know that we do not want to get married just because we are having a baby, but that I do wish that we were engaged and that I feel like I will be embarrassed about having a baby and not being married or at least engaged. The tears were flowing of course :)
Jason assured me that the baby will not change the fact that he does plan on marrying me, he just wants to wait a bit and he can't afford it right now. I understand, but it is still hard.

Avoiding this and that...9 Weeks
Wednesday October 29, 2008
Since I found out that we are having a baby, I have done pretty well with staying away from all the things that they say you should. There are the no-brainers, like alcohol, and smoking, and the occasional, ahem, party favor. Then the ones like no caffeine and no high mercury fish have been pretty easy. I even wear a mask and gloves when cleaning the litter box. All of these things have not come near me since October 7th. What is the one thing that I am finding it most difficult to remember to avoid?
Deli meat.
I keep forgetting!! I think I finally got in the habit of ordering my sub toasted at Subway. But then today I buy one of those Deli Express sandwiches and start eating it. I remembered after a couple of bites, but kept eating. Which I feel really bad about now. Please, God, no listeria.

So. Nauseous.9 Weeks
Friday October 31, 2008 - Happy Halloween!
So I am grateful that I have yet to actually throw up, but Oh! The nausea! It starts in the morning at work and doesn't let up until I am asleep at night. It is especially bad at night and the only time I do not feel like I am going to ralph is while I am eating. And I am talking when there is food actually in my mouth. In between bites, forget it.
Granted I have not been eating well this week at all. Tomorrow is the first 1st of the month since I found out and I am planning on eating right and exercising. Every. Single. Day.
Dr. Heegard's nurse called and said that all the tests came back fine, except that I have a urinary tract infection. Dr, H wants me on a week's worth of antibiotics to put the kibosh on it, so I will pick those up today.

Drama...10 Weeks
Tuesday November 4, 2008
Well, we told Jason's mom on Saturday while out to dinner at Timberlodge. She cried and hugged us and said she was happy and excited. Very supportive just like I knew she would be.
Sunday was a hard day. Jason's drinking is sometimes a sore spot between us. Of course, it used to be OUR drinking that would cause fights but I have obviously quit. And I think it wouldn't hurt for him to cut back as well. He has a long line of problems in his family just like I do in mine. Once he starts drinking, he doesn't want to stop. Sunday we had plans, but he was at the bar all day instead. I ended up calling my mom who talked to him, his mom who talked to him, and finally the police when he left in his car. I just did not know how to get through. His mom brought him home later that night and the three of us talked. She knows what it is like since Norm has a problem as well. Which leads me to the sore point. Norm.
Jason told his dad on Sunday night when he got home from hunting. He simply said "You made your bed, now you have to lay in it", and left the room. Sue talked to him yesterday and he is being horrible Telling Sue not to help us out at all and to basically write Jason off. He even uninvited him to the hunting trip this coming weekend. Sue told him that it is happening whether he likes it or not and he can either stand with his son or be against him. I know Jason is upset, but I also hope he knows that the ONLY person that we are going to let Norm's attitude hurt is Norm.
I already invited Sue to Thanksgiving at Josh's. Norm can sit at home by himself, get drunk, and wallow in his own misery. I think he is acting disgusting and I think the people around him (friends, etc) will think the same. Everyone who hears thinks it is exciting and happy. No one will understand where Norm is coming from. Especially the people that they go hunting with and have for years. When Norm tells him he didn't allow Jason to come because he is having a baby, I pray that his friend Will give him an earful. He deserves to have some sense *BEATEN* into him :) Jason will pretty much be a 27 year old man when the baby comes and in a serious relationship. It is not like we are high scool or college kids that hooked up for a one night stand and ended up with a baby.
He already lost the chance to be a Grandpa to one Grandchild. I hope he can see how ridiculous he is being. In the end, he will only be hurting himself.

Mommy's First Scare...11 Weeks
Monday November 10, 2008
I had my full exam today and was excited because the nurse had told me last time that I would hear the heartbeat at this appointment. I had my full exam first and Dr. H said everything looked good. I am glad to have found him as my doctor as well. He made me feel very comfortable during the exam and he seems to care a lot.
Anyhow, he then took out the doppler to listen to the heartbeat and he moved it around for waht seemed like forever, but was probably only about 2 minutes. No heartbeat. When he finally turned it off, he said "Ok, we are doing an ultrasound". He said that he thought he maybe heard it, but that he was not satified and didn't want to send me home all worried. He said he was sure everything was fine, but I was already REALLY nervous.
We went to the ultrasound lab and he stood there while the technician looked for the fetus. She found it right away and...showed us the flutter of the heartbeat! Then she turned the speaker on and I heard the quick sound of the baby's heart! I shed some tears :) Dr. H was happy too, and told me congrats again and patted me on the arm.
After he left, the technician took measurements and pictures. I can actually see the baby now!! The little head and legs. She said that I am more like 11 weeks and moved my due date to 6/1/09. She showed me how the baby was tucked in a little corner of the space and when she was getting the measurements, the baby was all squirmmy and oving around!
So, my child gave me my first scare today and for the first time, I really realized that I am going to LOVE this baby and already kind of do :)

There's a BABY in there...13 Weeks
Monday November 24th, 2008
In the past couple of days, I have definitely began to feel my body changing to accommodate a baby. My stomach feels a bit harder and rounder and I feel like I may be looking more pregnant too. Personally, I cannot wait to LOOK pregnant if I am going to be feeling preggers and wearing maternity clothes anyways!
Also, Jason's dad apologized. He not only talked to Jason, but to Sue too. I was so relieved. Only thing was, that he hadn't been invited to Thanksgiving at Josh's and my family had already formed a "lovely" opinion of him (for good reason). I didn't think it would do much good to keep him excluded now that he had come around, so I talked to my mom and brother and thankfully, they both were fine with meeting him and forming a fresh opinion :) So happy and so excited for a big Thanksgiving!! Josh, Angela, Jaydn, Mom, Paul, Me, Jason, Baby :), Sue, Norm, Aunt Lou and Jon.

Am I a hypocrite?13 Weeks
Wednesday November 26, 2008
I want him to stop getting wasted when he drinks. He says if I wasn't pregnant, I would be too. Yes, but I AM PREGNANT. That is what changes all of this. Hello!!! I do not know if I was prepared to have a baby as an alcoholic with an alcoholic. Now I have no choice. I just wrote him this email:
Subject: Maybe this will help you understand.
- I want to know that you are able to be an adult and not go out and get wasted. Having a couple of drinks is ok. Quit the all or nothing attitude. Only alcoholics think that way.
- It's embarrassing to have people see you when you are wasted and have them know that we are having a kid together. You CAN still have fun on a couple of drinks. If you can't, you are an alcoholic.
- Our drinking has caused NOTHING but problems between us and we have agreed TWICE that we will stop getting wasted. Now is the perfect time. What is it going to take for you?
- Yes, I will probably drink later, but I know that I NEVER want to drink the way I used to. I will not have our child grow up seeing that from me OR you.
- There comes a time when you either need to grow up and take responsibility or admit that you are an alcoholic and get help. If we are going to be together and make a life as a family, I need you to choose one. What are you going to do?
- Now that I have seen you drunk through sober eyes a few times, I realize that I do not like you at all when you are drunk. It's sometimes even hard to remember that I love you when you are drunk, which is very sad. You are obnoxious, mean, annoying, immature, hurtful, and embarrassing when drunk. I am sure that I was too. Now is the chance to do something about it, before your kid has to see you like that and learn to become the same way.
- You are full of excuses for your drinking. You do not need to get wasted in order to work for a beer distributor. When I ask you not to get wasted, it doesn't translate to "You can never drink again" or "I don't want you to see your friends". Don't even try to say these things to me anymore. They sound pathetic and childish. I am done fighting with you about this. If you are not ready to face your life, you can go about your business and do whatever you want to. But then do me a favor and leave me because it would be the nicer thing to do.
- I know you see no problem in the way you drink or act. That is the sad thing and what hurts and scares me the most. I will not be with you any longer if you can not either drink responsibly or get help. And since no action on my part will show acceptance, this is it. The next time I have to deal with you wasted and with some lame excuse, you are gone.