Happy Effing New Year's Eve

The status that I plan on putting up on my facebook (when I get home since work has now taken facebook from me as well, come ON!)...

"Happy New Years!! Champagne for my real friends (love you all!) and real pain for my sham friends (you know who you are)!!"

Yes, I thought about a list a names to put after the sham friends part, but decided that would make me just as mean as them and I don't want to start my New Year off like that :).

Anywho, I made it thru last night with Jason with only two major meltdowns. I finally decided to just not care what he does tonight and to try and just make myself happy. I talked to a couple of girls, AF and LS, who are going to BG's party. I plan on at least stopping by to say hi to them. Otherwise, AW invited me out with them in EP to bar hop and I will most likely drag GB with me as well :).

V called me as I was getting into my car this morning and started off with friendly small talk. I was in awe and told her to cut the crap. Literally. That is what I said. I am so tired of these people. She denied denied denied her part in saying anything about me of course, just like she did when Jason confronted her. However, the problem with that is AW has no reason whatsoever to lie about it. I basically said I don't care anymore, I do not trust her, I do not deserve to be treated like this and I am over it. I also told her to tell BE that she can SUCK IT!! Well, I more said that if she wants to go be happy with her good for nothing, cheating boyfriend that is great and I don't give a flying eff, but LEAVE ME ALONE!! (Sham friends :)

I have decided that I have not fairly prepared myself for pregnancy whatsoever. Since I was 15, I have dealt with stress and anger by smoking a cigarette. As I got older, I added having a drink or being on meds to my arsenal. Now all of a sudden I have none of those things and going thru this stuff with catty girls, etc has made me feel at times that I am most def. going to LOSE IT. I spent a good part of the work day yesterday in the bathroom crying, outside crying, or at my desk trying (unsuccessfully) not to cry.

I also thought that I would be ok going off of the meds that I take for OCD. But it is creeping back in and with a quickness. It bums me out for all the progress I had felt I had made and now to be right back at this point of not even wanting to get into the passenger seat of a car...so frustrating and scary. I have tried to keep it from Jason, aside from the fact that we have to walk on the lower level at the mall lest I feel like flinging myself over the railing (if you have Pure O, you'll understand). Poor guy, he has not really had to deal with me like this. I was already making positive strides with the meds when we met and the most that he knew about it was that I always told him to remind me to take my pills or he would have a crazy pregnant girlfriend on his hands...should've knocked on wood.

My stomach has rounded out a lot in the last week or two and if I can ever find my cable, I will post pictures. My belly button is beginning to move forward which completely grosses me out, but I will live :)