Roger

I didn't have the intention of writing about Roger today. Or anytime soon really.  Quite honestly, I just don't like to think about it. I like to think that there is plenty of time, that he isn't going anywhere anytime soon, that he will continue to fight and that the inevitable will not come. But then I read Amalah's post and it was so good and honest and I decided I do want to write a little bit about Roger and his fight.

It has been just over a year now since the diagnosis of stage 4 pancreatic cancer came back for Roger. Back then there were options, though not surgery. Things were more hopeful then. Though we have all kept hoping and praying, the cancer kept taking and taking as it does.  Roger is now in hospice, albeit back at home with his family and a steady stream of visitors whose lives Roger has touched in some way or another.

Amalah's post made me think of him because Carol takes many many pictures.  Sometimes it is hard to see them, because of how he has changed week to week, even day to day. It is hard to see him frail when I have known him as the opposite. But his mind is still sharp and his humor is still there and looking at the pictures, you at least know that it is still the same person inside.  And I can see why she would want pictures of him, lots and lots of pictures no matter how he has changed on the outside. Because his eyes are the same and he is the same. And his grandson will treasure those pictures.

I worry sometimes because my mom hates to have her picture taken. She has allowed it a couple of times recently, for the wedding and such. I just know how special pictures are when the person is no longer here. I want my kids to have pictures to remember all of their loved ones. I want to have pictures to remember all of my loved ones.  I have gotten bad with having my picture taken lately because of all the weight I have gained. I need to be better about that. I need to take more pics of me WITH my loved ones, if no other reason than for my kids and grand kids later on.

On a lighter note, and because this post is already comprised of things that don't quite fit together, we took Mads to Disney on Ice last Saturday and she loved it.  It was princess themed and she has quite a bigger interest in princess-y things now than she did before (which was not much). This morning, I went to put on her purple fleece instead of the pink princess coat that she has been wearing since the show (one that has all of the disney princesses on the back).  She said "That's not my princess coat". I told her it was her purple princess coat. She said "Let me see the back". Busted.  But, I told her the princesses were invisible and she let me put it on her anyways.

She was a little more animated for this live show than she was for the Wiggles last August.  That show, she spent completely still and expressionless, but came away talking about every detail and recalling things that we didn't even see, so we knew she loved it. This time she danced and clapped and pointed and oooh'd. She is just so fun.