29 weeks

29 weeks both seems great and far along and at the same time, not far along enough. I have been much more impatient with this pregnancy than my last. I just want her to get here! And even more, I just don't want to be pregnant anymore! I am not one of those women that love being pregnant. Much the opposite really. I do NOT "glow". Yes, I like feeling the baby kicks and ...well that's about it. I do not like the nausea, the not being able to breath or sleep or move or get comfortable or wear shoes or feel like my feet won't explode at any second or drink alcoholic beverages. Yes I went there. I am extremely fortunate in that I will have another scheduled c-section with this birth like I did with Madie due to my diabetes and the high weight that babies of diabetics tend to be. I think that I would go absolutely mad playing the weighting game if she decided to hang out past her due date. At least this way, she could come early, but she ain't over staying her welcome! Does that sound harsh? Too bad. (reference above: not one of those women that loves being pregnant!)

This pregnancy has been somewhat different than with Madie. I even thought this would be a boy because of the early differences (Yay! I was wrong!). I was way way way more nauseous this time around for the first 4ish months, though I didn't start dry heaving in the morning until after the nausea went away a month or two ago oddly enough.  My food aversion with Madie was chinese food and I craved fruit. This time my food aversions are chicken and ground beef and I crave candy mostly. But lately I have been eating an obscene amount of cheeseburgers (note I said I couldn't eat ground beef, bring on the beef patties!).

Things seem to be happening sooner this time around which I hear is normal. I am already huge and have been for awhile. My feet are already swelling quite a bit and I can only hope that I do not go up another shoe size permanently. I was a size 10 before Madie and am now a size 11. It is hard enough to find cute shoes in a size 11, but 12? C'mon! If that is the case, there will be no baby #3. I do not even think they make size 13 women's shoes and I am not going to spend the rest of my life wearing men's shoes. Not happening.

My anxiety and OCD is getting a little out of control. Going back on the 25mg of sertraline helped take the sadness edge off that I was having, but it does nothing for my panic and OCD. Nope, for that I need my 250mg and I just can't risk that much when pregnant.  My doc is fine with the 25 and would probably be ok with even 50, but I just don't think anything but a high dosage for the OCD is going to do any good so why risk it? I worry a little that I am going to be completely immobile with fear from the OCD by the time I give birth since it is increasing so much, but I just need to plow through and hang in there. We want to go to the casino for a friend's birthday tomorrow, but I hate crossing the bridge over the river (and I say this as a passenger, not even driving!). I will either have to make Jason take the long, less scary way, or sit in the backseat. I will probably be riding in the backseat a lot from now on because it eases my panic a little bit.  I also worry because I want to pump all summer this time, but I realized I probably can't if I go back on my full dose right away. And I just don't feel like being terrified all summer.  So I will have to check with the pediatrician about that.  But it is getting tough just to drive across town which is ridiculous. Just need to hang. in. there.

Otherwise baby is doing good. Madie seems to be getting more excited to meet this baby that we speak of as well.  Starting the first week of April with a Biophysical Profile, I will have an ultrasound every week until she comes.  This is due to the diabetes and the need to keep tabs on her weight and heart.  Once these one-after-another appointments come, it should go pretty fast. I Hope!! Momma needs a cocktail and some Zoloft.

I worry a little bit that I am not being quite as careful this time around as I was with Madie.  With Madie: No caffeine, no alcohol, no deli meat. This time: caffeine pretty much every day, have had a glass of wine each trimester (yes, for a total of 3, and yes, I felt guilty each time), and have had :gasp: a lot of summer sausage.  Am I a little more lenient since it is my second pregnancy? I think so. But, I also think (hope!) that these are things that a lot of mommas do and that I am being just fine with this pregnancy and was just really really overly careful the first time. I hope.