Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I haz a sad

 That phrase runs through my head a lot these past few months. I can't quite put my finger on it. Sometimes I just feel this pit in my stomach and feel...sad.  Maybe a touch of baby blues?

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me

The Big 3-0.

Not sure how I feel about it. Not too bad I don't think. I mean, I am married and have 2 beautiful daughters and a fairly decent career so it's not like I feel like I should be at a different place in my life at this point. I think I more so would like to be more organized, more better able to take care of a household, like. I still feel like I am in my early 20s. That's a problem. But, I digress.

Jason and Madie went shopping on Saturday and Jason asked Madie what she would like to get me for my birthday. She thought that I would most definitely like a yo-yo. I am the proud owner of a bright and shiny purple yo-yo. And it could very well be my favorite birthday present EVER.  Jason out did himself as well. He got me a ring with a big peridot (my birth stone), flanked by pink tourmaline and diamond chips. It is so pretty, and I can't wait to get it sized so that I can wear it.

We had a super busy weekend, but we got to spend the whole thing with both the girls and they were both super well behaved given the amount of events going on.  We had an engagement party on Saturday, followed by a wedding, which was the highlight for Madie. She knows that where there is a wedding, there is music and a dance floor. On the way there she chanted "Party Time! Party Time!". She may be our kid after all...

She danced for about 4 hours straight and was the belle of the dance floor. People kept coming up to me and telling me how cute she was.  She did the chicken dance, hokey pokey, and YMCA like a pro, not to mention every other song that played. Speaking of dance, we are going to an open house at a studio by our house tonight. Hopefully we like it so that I can get her signed up for fall.  I want to get her into swimming too, since she goes underwater, not to mention that I don't have to go in the pool with her any longer for the next classes! Yay! I want to sign her up for ice skating too, but I will wait until swimming is done. I am trying not to be one of those parents, but she really loves so many things, and I don't want her to miss out.  When she tires of something, like she did with gymnastics, I am totally fine with it and we try something else.

Audrey is doing good. We all caught a bit of Jason's cold/virus, so she is coughing and sneezing, poor thing. Otherwise she is a good baby, still sleeping from about 7:30 or 8pm until a bottle at 4am and then back to sleep until about 6:30. Which is awesome. No complaints here! She does her baby coos and smiles a lot. Just as quickly, she will throw a huge tantrum. Where Madie was a super go with the flow baby from what I remember, Audrey is quite a the little drama queen. It will be fun to see if that personality sticks!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

2-1/2 Months

Where does the time go? I feel like I just brought our newest addition home yesterday and now I have already been back to work for a week and a half.  Audrey is settling into daycare just fine with her big sister, although I still feel like it is so soon to have her away from me for 9 hours a day. Madie is such a wonderful, loving big sister. Sometimes too loving, but I will take it over jealousy which we really haven't had any of. 

Audrey had her "2 month" check up today, a little overdue. She was 12lbs 10oz and 22-1/2".  She is such a little drama queen though, smiling at the doctor when he began his exam and seconds later crying which she did up until after the last shot was given. Madie never cried at the doctor when she was a baby, and only as a yelp of protest during shots.  Shots are so sad, and Audrey gripped my hand so hard with her tiny fingers and screamed like there was no tomorrow and of course that brought me to tears as well. But as soon as I picked her up when it was all done, she curled into me and stopped crying. Never made another peep, even when I put her into the car seat and then all the way back to daycare. She gave Mads a big smile as Madie checked out her dual band aid legs. 

Audrey has been sleeping through the night like a champ for the last 2 weeks or so. She goes down around 8pm and sleeps until around 4am when she wakes up for a bottle. Then back down until around 6:30am. Sometimes she even skips the 4am feeding! I thought we lucked out with Mads being such a good sleeper and that we wouldn't get that lucky twice.  But here we are and I am soooo happy about it!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Bounce House Update

We went to Rockin at Riley the other night and although it took a good half hour for her to work up the courage, Madie DID get into the bounce house that was there, and even did the big slide one. Whew!

Audrey is still doing very well. Some crying spells, but last night I realized that she already likes the little Baby Einstein music player that Madie loved so much. After a good 30 mins of crying, it calmed her and she watched it for a long while.  I have cut down on the pumping already, though I am still doing it about 3 times a day. I tried putting her on just formula and she was spitting up the entire bottles. Now I am mixing with an ounce of breast milk and it is seeming to do the trick. A happy medium for now.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Audrey's First 2 Weeks

All the waiting..and my 2nd baby girl is now with us!!!

Audrey Claire was born at 2:52pm on 5/31/12. All 11lbs 3oz and 21-1/4" of her!!

My appointment was for 1pm, and we got to the hospital at 11am for pre-op. We had to wait a little longer though because of an emergency c-section that came in just before I was scheduled. It still went fast though! Before I knew it, I was back in surgery, about to deliver daughter #2!

Knowing she would be a big baby, the nurses and my doc were betting on size during the moments before delivery. I think the largest bet was 10lbs 5oz. Boy, was the 11lbs 3oz a surprise for everyone!! Even more surprising was our first look at her when they held her above the curtain; dark skin, dark eyes, black hair! Quite a difference from Madie's light blue eyes, and strawberry blond hair. My first thought was actually, how did I have a black baby!?! That was how dark she looked! I am so exited that we have one brunette and one blondie though, I hope she keeps her dark hair and eyes. As for features, her and Madie look so similar from when Mads was a newborn, it's crazy.

I had been worried about her blood sugar since mine was so much harder to control this pregnancy and sure enough, her first blood sugar taken in recovery was 21.  We immediately gave her formula which brought it to 37, but it remained below 40 or 50 for the rest of the afternoon. That early evening, they told me they were going to need to bring her down to NICU for a sugar IV.  I was so scared and sad that I would not have my dear new baby in the room with me.

Late that night, after I was able to walk, the nurse brought me down to feed my Audrey. The rule was that she needed a >60 blood sugar before each feeding for about 12 feedings. This would have equaled about 36 hours if they stayed consistently high, though we still had some below.  I made it down every 3 hours for feedings. When I was able to walk, I walked behind my wheel chair and then just down by myself.  I think it was Friday that I met with the doctor in NICU as she was looking Audrey over and she told me that there was also a heart murmur and needed an echo.  It was a valve that could still close on it's own, but man, it was tough to tell Jason and think about myself. I felt that I had let her down. That I did not do enough while I was pregnant with her to keep her healthy and now she was suffering.  I had a LOT of guilt. Her poor little heels from all of those blood sugar pricks, not being with her mommy and instead laying by herself 2 floors below.  She wasn't even crying from the pokes after a short while, probably thinking it was just a part of life. My poor baby. I know there are so many worse things, but for me, this was bad enough.

Saturday morning, the NICU nurse on duty noticed that Audrey's IV arm was puffy (I think it was called infiltrated?). They took the IV out and started trying to find a new vein to reinsert.  Luckily, they could not find one and decided to take a break. I say luckily, because the doctor decided that if her blood sugars stayed higher that 60, she would no longer need the IV.  And they DID! This was also good because the IV was only at 7.5. This was down from 12.5, but was going to need to get to 0 before she could leave the NICU. This way was much faster! She was able to come back to my room with me by Saturday late afternoon. I was beyond thrilled to cuddle non-stop with my baby girl, with no IV or monitor wires attached.

Our next obstacle was the murmur. I was able to leave on Sunday, but her echo was scheduled for Monday. Luckily with a c-section, my insurance would cover me for the extra day. However, thanks to my amazing nurse Brenda working with the NICU nurses and our pediatrician, they got the echo done Sunday and we were able to go home together on Sunday evening, after finding that the valve had closed on it's own and the murmur was gone! So Audrey got to come home at 100%. My strong little girl.

More about Audrey: she has a hidden dimple on her right cheek that only comes out in those elusive newborn smiles. It is the most adorable thing. She constantly makes these little sighing noises which are sometimes content and sometimes just..noises. When she cries, it starts with a great big girly squeak/squeal. Adorable! She has so far been a very good, content baby. Sleeps, eats, with short periods of content looking around, not much crying at all. She prefers to be upright and sleeping against my chest with her knees bent. She like her soothie nuk. She is not as much of a bouncer as Madie was. She likes a little bit of gentle rocking, but mostly just likes her back rubbed.

Madie LOVES her new sister. "My baby sister" as she mostly calls her. She is so proud of her and calls her sweetie and is gentle (for the most part). She tells me how special she is and how cute. It is amazing to see and such a relief.

Madie's 3rd birthday was celebrated a little late, on the 9th, since I was in the hospital on her actual birthday. And since she was too young to know the difference, although the mommy guilt came in hard, no worries! But, on the Saturday of my hospital stay, Jason and Madie took a break from visiting and went with friends to a local carnival. Madie's bff Robby was there as well as some other daycare friends. She rode on rides this year (!) and the merry go round was her fave. As much as I hated missing her first enjoyment of rides, Steve, a friend sent pics and vids, and I was so happy that she spent quality time with Jason.

But back to the party! She had a tiger bounce house, which she LOVED and got a good few hours of bouncing in until the breaker made the house deflate WITH HER IN IT! Other kids were pulled out as well, and went back in soon after, but poor Mads was scarred for the rest of the tiger bounce house existence :( I felt so bad about that. But she still loved her party. All the friends, presents (barbies galore!), kiddie pool, crafts, and general "All about Madie-ness". It was a great time. And luckily, I think the fear is focused only on tiger bounce houses, as she said next year, a princess castle or elephant would be okay...

It has been a wonderful start to our summer as a family of 4 :)

Thursday, May 24, 2012


- I was still less than 1cm dialated last Monday. This child is staying in until Thursday pretty sure. 1 more week. I think I can I think I can I think I can.

- Madie's lump below her knee grew 3x bigger in 2 weeks according to her doctor last Friday so he wanted her to be seen at Children's that same day. Luckily Jason was able to come and get her and bring her to the afternoon appointment.  They scheduled her for an MRI for tomorrow which she unfortunately has to have anesthesia for due to her age and general squirminess that comes with said age. So I am not thrilled for tomorrow. She has been put under once, a little over a year ago, for her adenoid removal, but still. It is not fun. Especially since she is a trillion times more aware this time and so I am really trying to explain what is going to happen so that she isn't scared. I hope it goes smoothly and that I can wait to cry until I am back in the waiting room. Ugh.  I am less worried about what the actual lump is than I am about the anesthesia! Hoping that they can determine the cause though so that we can determine how to remove said lump. Which may or may not involve more anesthesia gah!

- A good portion of my stress about tomorrow is riding down to St Paul. Isn't that stupid? I just want to be back on my full meds so that these things don't bother me (so much) anymore.

- Since upping said meds to 50mg from 25mg per my doctor's recommendation, I have not had any middle of the night panic attacks. Not to say that I haven't felt some anxiety rising up, but I am able to quell it fairly quickly before it turns into anything full blown.

- I am HUGE. I am not even exaggerating. Huge.

- I thought that I had talked about Madie's first appointment to look at her lump, but maybe I did not.  It was her first xray and not even thinking, I told her I would be with her. Right before they hustled me out of the room because, duh, I am pregnant.  **Back Story: Madie doesn't mind thunder or hard rain, but what she doesn't like is her room "flashing up" (lightening).** So I am standing in the hallway and the lights in the room go off and I hear the nurses tell her that It's Ok! There will just be a little FLASH! Like Lightening!. I was all like, Nooo tell her anything but that! But it was too late. When I walked in seconds later, she had her very brave girl face on and all was well.  I could tell she was slightly scared, but she wasn't going to let anyone know. She is my brave brave little girl.

- I have had 2 dreams now in which the outline of a baby foot pokes out from my stomach and I catch it and show everyone around me and let them touch it. It creeps me out but is pretty cool at the same time. I am entirely content with this not actually happening though, cause then I can say for sure it would be waaay more creepy than cool.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


I had another growth check with Audrey yesterday and this one actually showed a little bit lower weight (7lbs 15oz). However her head and femur measured at around 38 weeks while her tummy measures close to 42 weeks! The ultrasound tech made the comment that I was going to go early. I told her that I was scheduled to deliver at 39 weeks and she said, "Well, I will be very interested to know how long your cervix can hold out!". Dr. H was delayed in surgery, so I did not get to see him.  The PA that I saw said my blood pressure is up, but not enough to be concerned. The BPP aside from size looks good as usual. My exciting news though...I am dialated! Ok, it's only less than 1cm, but I will take it! I never dialated with Madie, even at 40 weeks when my surgery was scheduled.  I am hoping Audrey comes earlier that my scheduled date of 5/31. Ohhhh come on baby! I had felt what I thought were some contractions and I guess they are were/are since I am officially dialated, right? Hoping for more and more and more. Actually excited to feel real contractions since I had none with Madie. I am sure I will regret saying that later, huh?